How Self-Isolation Kills Your Confidence

Trust me I know because I'm going through it right now.

The Definition of self-isolation is: a state or period of remaining apart from others, especially in order to avoid catching or transmitting an infectious disease.

Which during 2020 obviously was a term used a lot. But I'm not talking about isolation to avoid a disease, I'm talking about when you pull yourself away from others and go about your days, weeks, months even years without barely speaking to anyone, especially new people. Now there is nothing wrong with alone time, I encourage you to be comfortable being on your own, but just like anything in life too much of something can have negative effects on your life.

So You Struggle To Hold A Conversation?

I didn't realise how bad I had gotten until I found some new people to talk to and all of sudden my voice was shaky, my mind went blank and the nervous laughter boomed out. I was stumbling over words, and I was so self-aware I overthought every word that came out of my mouth. Conversating can be tricky but it is 10x worse when you feel like there is pressure to say the perfect thing.

Introversion vs. Self-isolation

It's often misconstrued that being an introvert instantly means you are a hermit who never leaves their house. But I don't think that's true. If you have gotten to that point you have to ask yourself am I really just an introvert or am I purposely self-isolating myself? An introvert still socialises, sometimes they socialise more than an extrovert. I feel like people always think of introvert and extrovert as this black & white thing, but there is such a wide range. The main difference is after socialising introverts feel this exhaustion and need time by themselves to recharge before going out again.

Self-isolation on the other hand is purposely separating yourself from others, putting distance between you and the people you surround yourself with. It could also include not going for opportunities that might force you to get out of your comfort zone and socialise with new people. Self-isolation also doesn't mean you just stay at home, you could be going to school or work and still be self-isolating. I know for me, I'd go to school and I'd sit with my group but after school I was itching to get home and just relax, I never socialised outside of school which really hindered possible connections I could've had.

Mental Health Factors

Anxiety, depression, agoraphobia and many other mental health issues can be a factor or cause as to why you are self-isoalting. Now I'm not going to pretend I have the answers on how to fix these because I'm not a mental health expert. I have suffered from multiple types of anxiety, social being the one that has really caused me to struggle with making friends as an adult. I've also battled depression in different forms as it has many, although I feel that my depression isn't as bad as it once got I do go through patches and I still have a lot of habits and mindsets from the times it was really bad. To this day, I'm still trying to face and honestly lately I've been feeling like I'm failing to take steps to overcome this anxiety. But I do hope that I can continue and get more comfortable interacting with new people, especially face to face and over call. Like texting although still makes me anxious I have more time to think of a reply so it doesn't feel as pressured, although it has taken me hours to send a text before so.....

But the point is yes mental health can negatively affect your confidence and social life. However, if you always use that as an excuse not to try and improve then you'll never get to that level of comfort you want when socialising and conversating.

New Environments

Sometimes you need to shake things up, something about venturing out on your own into a new space, while yes can be daunting, but afterwards the confidence boost you will feel is incredible. It's addicting and it will make you want to go out and be in new spaces with new people more often. As for finding new spaces and people, check around your local area for social clubs, hobby groups, sports teams, even just attending events and going to places that inspire you can you meet others with similar interests. You could even take some classes and meet people that way.

New people and new environments are so important to help us see new perspectives and learn interesting things about people. It gets you out of the space where you haven't been able to grow and change. It can be scary but in the end new experiences are most definitely worth it. Sometimes it takes big steps like even moving to a new city to really help you feel alive again and wanting to go out and explore.

How To Build Confidence

I know for me this was my biggest struggle. In my head I was this cool, confident person who if needed could stand up for herself or strike up a conversation with anyone, but when it came to actually doing these things I failed completely and words just blurted out of my mouth. I was so self-aware from months of self-isolation to the point where any movement I made I would over analyse and worry how I was being perceived. So how can you and I rebuild our confidence well I scoured the internet for answers and here's what I could find:

Build a Comfort Zone List: List a bunch of things that kind of scare you but you know won't actually harm you and slowly tick them off, the more you do the more confident you'll become.
Pick up a New Hobby: Starting something new and seeing how you can improve at something really gives you a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of confidence that will help you in all aspects of life.
Compliment A Stranger: It will make you and them feel good, it will also show your brain that it's not that scary to talk to new people.
Dress As The Person You Want To Be: Don't wait around for the perfect body or whatever if you have the means to do so start collecting pieces you actually like and feel confident in rather than just sweats (although they are nice for comfy times).
Improv Class: Try it out, it might seem silly at first but it can help you to relax and be able to speak infront of others and also helps your mind to think of topics faster.
Volunteer To Do A Speech: Maybe for a community event or a group that you are apart of, or maybe the opportunity to do a presentation at work arises, either way sign up. Public speaking is such a great skill to have and will drastically improve your confidence.
Make Choices That Future You Will Be Proud Of: This is one of those ones that sounds good in theory but can be super hard to actually do. But just in general start doing things, start making choices about your habits and throughout your daily routine that the highest, most ideal you would make.

Self-isolation isn't easy to come out of, progress won't be linear. I'm still digging myself out of the big hole I've been stuck in for years. So yes, I don't know all the answers and I should probably follow my own advice more often but I believe that you and I can regain our confidence, just like how we had as kids. Remember the days when we didn't give a sh*t about what people thought that was the life.

Thank You For Reading!

-VE-