POV: You've Never Experienced Love Before

Dear Reader,

I understand you've never really experienced romance in your life. Maybe you feel behind? Maybe you spiral and wonder why hasn't it happened to you yet? And honestly, I don't really have the answer, all I have is the same shared feelings and maybe some insights that will let you know that it's completely normal and you're not alone-

My Experience With Romance

It's not a lot to put it bluntly. I've never had a relationship, I've never even been out on a date. Honestly, I am most definitely a big part of the blame. I haven't been going out into the world a lot so I miss chances to meet new people. However, even in high school I kinda just hid any feelings I felt, especially after I had asked a guy out and got rejected. And in the many years to follow no guys showed any real interest, sure there were a couple of guys who I texted but it usually ended in nothing but them using me for attention and me not knowing I deserved something more real. And so here I am, a young adult wondering if I'll ever get experience the love I dream about.

Your Feelings Are Valid

Wanting a relationship doesn't have to mean you don't love yourself. We're human for f**k sake, we do enjoy connection. And although we shouldn't equate our value to dating and relationships, I'd be lying if I said it hasn't made me feel insecure. Because it has sometimes, sometimes my brain will wonder if I'm doing something wrong? If I'm just never going to find that person? And it's okay to feel like this. But it's not healthy to ruminate on it. What is healthy is maybe just subjectively looking at yourself and seeing if there are any patterns or toxic traits that hold yourself back. We all have bad traits and bad times so don't think you have to be perfect to be lovable, that in itself is an unhealthy mindset, but I know for me I hold myself back all the time, whether it be being scared to take that risk, or not opening up myself to connect with new people either out of fear or because I'm holding a torch for someone who most likely doesn't look at me in the same way. It's good to do self-check-ins just to make sure that if you are looking for romance you're looking at people who are going to add to your life and make you feel loved. Not someone who makes you feel small or isn't emotionally available.

The What Ifs

Just because you've never dated persay doesn't mean you haven't had flirtations or feelings for someone. For me personally, I've had feelings for guys and sadly I struggle to move on from those feelings. I feel like sometimes the what ifs are worse than a breakup, because you never actually got to see what it might be like, you never got a story or proper closure. Once again this can send the mind into a spiral of "what if I'd done this then maybe we'd be together". But the chances are if it didn't happen then maybe it just wasnt meant to be.

Fate vs Effort

A debate I struggle with. A lot of people will say oh what's meant to be is meant to be, me included. But it can be hard to tell when you should act and when you should just let things play out. I mean we get told to go for what we want, so when should you risk it? When is it safe to put your heart on the line? I don't know. Nobody does, life is different for everyone. But I do think if you truly feel like someone is going to make you happy and going to be a good fit into your life, then you should at least try to start something, send that message and if they don't reply or it doesn't go how you planned than it might not of been the one and you can know that you at least put yourself out there.

Rom-Coms: A Love Hate Relationship

Ahh rom-coms, whether it be a movie or a book who doesn't love getting lost in the adorable fictional romance between the witty, lovable main characters. Not too many nights ago I went on a binge of watching all the romcoms from the cheesiest to the classics and I can't lie they did make me want that cute banterous-filled connection. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a good rom-com but don't start living vicariously through them. Like all media, it is so easy to consume so much that we forget to go out and actually experience life for ourselves. I mean why climb a mountain when I can watch a fun, well-filmed video of it on YouTube. But trust me the experiences will give you the best memories and that goes for getting out and meeting new people as well. Plus if you really want that rom-com feel in your own life, make a playlist of all the best upbeat songs that make you feel like you're in a movie.

Love Isn't This One-Size-Fits-All Thing

Nope it comes at different times, in different ways for every single person. There is a lot of pressure from both internal feelings and also just this unspoken societal expectation to already have had relationships and be "experienced" with dating. But love doesn't have to happen in your teens, or your twenties or whenever. Sometimes it takes a while to really have that connection, which sucks because I can be a little impatient sometimes heh. But, spend your days doing what you love and don't spend all your time dwelling on what you're missing out on, because you shouldn't want love to fulfill your life persay, moreso to fit into your life and add to it, not become your whole life.

Love is tricky, and finding that person is no easy task. But the main takeaway from this is don't let this "want" consume you. It's definitely okay to want a relationship and someone to have that bond with, but don't let that become your only goal. Strive to pursue things for you and other types of relationships too. In the end we are only human so don't be too hard on yourself if you are feeling down, instead take the time to feel those emotions as they are and then move on in healthy time.

I'm sorry I don't really have too much advice, I wanted to write this piece to kinda show others who haven't experiened romance they're not alone and that their feelings are valid. I hate the idea that people think we should just shove self-love into everyone's face and it will fix everything, self-love is great, but it is supposed to coexist with love from others, not replace it.

Thank You For Reading

-VE-